The stories we tell ourselves are so important. Here’s an example of how someone else’s narrative can harm us. Make us feel like we’ve failed or that we are the ones who are wrong. This video could help you change your story and see things through a fresh new lens.

If you don’t have audio, or prefer reading, I’ve included a transcript below:

We can go through life feeling bad about things. Feeling we failed or feeling guilty because of what someone else has told us. Something we don't think to challenge or consider.

I've got a story, I think everyone needs to hear. I remember meeting someone who was out of work. They were struggling and when they came to me they were in a bad place. I asked them to tell me what happened.

They explained that they had been working in a store, a large shop where they’d been working in the warehouse. They added that they were autistic.

The warehouse job was perfect for them. People didn’t bother him. He was left alone and they were very comfortable. They could also be very analytical and carefully plan everything out. They were good at what they did.

But then a new manager arrived in the store and things changed. He decided that they should go and work on a customer service desk. Suddenly, there were all these people with their problems and their emotions. He couldn't cope.

That manager then came to him and he told him he had failed. That he had to lose his job. That person believed it. They believed they had failed.

But I just suddenly thought of something on the spot. I asked him a simple question. I asked them to imagine that there's a coach of a rugby team who was new. They come in and they make the big decision to swap the prop and the winger.

For those of you who don't know rugby, the prop is usually a big guy that’s responsible for pushing with other people to win the ball. The winger, although it changes a bit now, are normally smaller guys who are a lot more agile. Their role is to run very quickly and avoid contact.

So, let's just think about what would happen here when someone decides they need to swap. Well, neither of them are likely to be successful. That prop, although he's very big and very durable, he's not going to be able to sprint. He's not going to be agile and he's unlikely to score. The smaller guy could even get hurt in the scrum. It's not going to happen.

So, do we blame them? They're both very good at what they do. They're both essentially built for the job they do. When I asked him though, he just suddenly said, "Well, no, they wouldn't be at fault”, and the penny dropped.

So have a think? When someone has told you you’ve failed, when someone has told you you’re wrong, just look a bit closer, think beyond it. Because as soon as I shared that, it unlocked something with the person I was dealing with.

They suddenly looked to their story a lot differently. I could see that spark. I could see that confidence. They were suddenly aware of their own strength and their own potential.

That's just one little story that can remind us of that. It’s so easy to fall into someone else's narrative. So, what I suggest to you now is that you just go away and have a think. See what happens. Thank you.

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