How to explain health problems to people
It can be incredibly difficult when you’re trying to explain why you can’t do something because of your physical or mental health. Whether you’re talking to a friend, an employer or a doctor, it can be easy for emotions to take over. You can also be met with some extremely challenging responses, so I’d like to offer some advice that could make everything a lot easier.
This simple guide will help you get what you need. We’re going to look at how different types of people are likely to react, so we can quickly adapt.
This one is so important to me, as I have a lot of experience with this. I’ve had to explain my own health problems to people. I’ve also supported hundreds of people in challenging situations who had to explain theirs.
They often had to communicate the serious consequences of being instructed to do things they were physically incapable of. Many of them also had to account for gaps in employment due to their health as well.
I’m in a good position to help with this. Having a neurological condition that doesn’t have an exact diagnosis is particularly challenging. Other people often struggle with it and fail to empathise.
As I always do my best to keep my work optimistic and positive, I’ll sum up my experience in just one line. Some of the responses I’ve received while trying to explain my health issues to people have shown me the absolute worst sides of humanity.
I’ve learned how to counter this though and worked hard to understand it. I’d now like to share what I’ve learned with you.
I’ve found it helps if you can work out who you’re talking to and how they’re likely to respond. To do this, we’ll use a simple matrix that I’ve come to rely on. This is based on whether people are likely to think or feel, and if they’re likely to be an introvert or an extrovert.
In very simple terms, it comes down to whether they are likely to respond with logic or emotion and if they are likely to be naturally shy or outgoing,
We’ll explore four types of people and assign each of them a colour. I’ll then suggest the best way to reach them and what’s likely to be important to them. I’d like to point out though that I’m not a fan of personality tests. I’ve heard them described as ‘horoscopes for business people’ and I’m inclined to agree.
This is just a simple way to help you work out how someone is likely to react. While it’s certainly not set in stone, as some people can be bit of a mix of colours, I’m sure most of you will immediately think of people you know when I explain each one.
Blues
Someone with a blue personality is likely to think, rather than feel, and be an introvert.
I’ll start off by suggesting you think of Mr Spock from Star Trek. People with a blue personality are likely to be very logical and precise. They can come over as more than a little cold and detached and will probably not show their emotions.
To help you understand all the personality types, I’ll explain how I would encourage each of them to buy a smartphone. How I would influence them.
If I was encouraging a blue to buy a phone, I would focus on facts and figures. The speed of the processor, the exact amount of memory and the quality of the screen. Details, details, details. They’re unlikely to care about what it looks like, what other people will think about them if they own it or the choice of colours. Those details are likely to be superficial to them.
People with a blue personality could also be on the autistic spectrum. I say that with a lot of respect and awareness, as my work has shown me the immense potential a lot of people have if others just take the time to understand them.
If you’re talking about your health to a blue, they may come over as detached and uncaring. They may completely overlook the emotional aspects and how hard it’s been for you. I think it’s important to remember though that they would probably react the same way of they were speaking to a member of their family. It’s unlikely to be personal. In many respects, they just don’t do emotions.
Any questions they ask you could also come over as cold and detached. They may also be interpreted as a little invasive or inappropriate. In situations like this, I think it helps to remember how I would encourage them to buy a smartphone.
Facts and figures. If I was explaining issues with my health to a blue, I’d focus on precisely how it affects me and what can happen if changes aren’t made. I’d also do my best to present facts and figures that reflect the positives.
For example, I personally can’t drive long distances and don’t do well in heavy traffic. I’ll make that clear and then explain that I’ve worked for over six years in a role that required frequent travel within the county. Driving for around an hour is ok for me.
The thing you have to be careful of with a blue though is that they may cross the line and say something that is not acceptable. That will probably need to be challenged. Nothing I’ve said here should justify intolerance, particularly from someone in a position of authority.
To sum it up, there’s one thing you should remember when you’re dealing with a blue. Details, details details.
Reds
Someone with a red personality is likely to think, rather than feel, and be an extrovert.
They are likely to have strong opinions, make quick judgements and expect others to listen to them. Reds are often found in positions of authority. They will probably not react well if they are challenged and will often be swayed by what’s in their interest. Changing their minds can be incredibly difficult, as ego will probably be a factor.
Most people will have already thought of someone when I explain this.
We have to be careful though, as a red can easily become a bully if others allow them. There’s often a perception built up around reds that they are right and all of these traits are necessary if we want to succeed. I strongly disagree though.
If I was trying to encourage them to buy a smartphone, this is the approach I’d take if it was clear someone was a red.
Firstly, I wouldn’t tell them what to do and I’d be doing my best to make it look like they are making the decision. In terms of the phone, I’d be focussing on how expensive and exclusive it was. How only people like them could obtain it and that owning it is likely to show others how successful they are. I play to their ego and make them feel they are in charge.
I wouldn’t tell them they should buy it, I’d just warn them that I wouldn’t want to let them down by running out of stock.
I’ve met a lot of people who have had their confidence damaged because they’ve worked for someone with a red personality. They often assume that they are in the wrong and this type of behaviour is normal and correct. Just explaining what I’ve said here though can make a difference.
With all of this in mind, I wouldn’t be surprised if a red thought they knew more than someone’s doctor. Their responses and any questions they ask could come over more like firm statements. Judgemental and dismissive critiques.
If I have to talk about my health to a red, I take the same approach as the smartphone. I have to encourage them to make the decision rather than challenge them. I also have to think about how they view the world, as it’s likely to be about winning and losing. If I can, I need to focus on times when I’ve persevered and what I’ve achieved despite my disability. How making minor adjustments or giving me a chance will allow me to deliver for them. How they could potentially benefit.
Like a blue, I would try to stay away from emotions if I could.
As I’ve said, reds often have a habit of being more dominant and convincing others they are right. It can seem quite unfair. I’d think for a second about what’s important to a red though. How they are likely to be driven by material things like possessions and be obsessed with status, often at the cost of authentic relationships.
I like to take a more mindful approach and view the behaviour of a lot of reds like a petulant child throwing a tantrum.
We may have to challenge a red if they cross the line though. It helps to remember the advice I share here about all the personality types if you have to complain to someone else. If you have to complain to a red about a red though, there’s an important thing to remember than can really sum up a red personality.
They are likely to be motivated by what’s in their interest rather than what’s right or wrong. It helps to remember that.
Yellows
Someone with a yellow personality is likely to feel, rather than think, and be an extrovert.
They will probably be the life and soul of the party. Outgoing, full of energy and hard to miss. Yellows can often be found in creative industries and pursuits. You can often spot a yellow, as their appearance will often be a little unconventional. Bright colours and patterns that help them stand out from the crowd.
I often think of a yellow like a peacock, keen to show everyone their bright feathers.
Things are often over-the-top and emotional. Yellows often care deeply about what other people think of them and want to be the ones who help and make a difference. Don’t be surprised if things get a little theatrical with a yellow as well.
If I was encouraging a yellow to buy a smartphone, I’d remember all of this.
Firstly, I’d try to introduce a device with a unique design or colour scheme. I’d then touch on the social aspects. How they can connect with people and see what they are doing. I’d focus on how the other people are likely to feel about them. How they would appreciate them getting in touch and liking what they do.
If I could, I’d also focus on how great it would be if they could gift the phone to someone else. How that person would appreciate it and possibly tell other people.
I do this because like a red, their focus is likely to be on themselves. How good they will look if they impress someone else or help them in some way. Unlike a red, they may not be aware of this though.
I’d be mindful of all of this if I was talking about my health. Unlike the blues and the reds, I would focus on emotion and my story. I’d make it clear how hard it’s been and the obstacles I face. I’d also be encouraging them to help me and clearly highlighting how it could benefit them.
For example, you could highlight that if they employed you, it would send such a positive message about their organisation and their management style. People would see that they were willing to give others a fair chance.
They will want to be the heroes in not just their story, but the ones told by other people. Being seen to help will be strong motivation. Don’t be surprised if they don’t ask questions, as they are too busy planning their response. If they do ask questions, they may be framed as if you already have a close and trusting relationship and expect you to be very open.
There’s something else you need to be careful of. Don’t be surprised if you receive a gushing, theatrical response when you tell a yellow about your health, but they then forget about you. They’re drawn to the next shiny thing that grabs their attention. They may even put more effort into telling everyone else about how they are helping you than doing anything constructive.
Like the others, we can understand this but we shouldn’t tolerate anything that crosses the line. Inaction, a breach of confidence or an inappropriate remark that is shared without thinking.
My advice with a yellow. Make it about them, in a nice way.
Greens
I’ve left the best until last. Someone with a green personality is likely to feel, rather than think, and be an introvert.
They are likely to be some of the nicest people you’ll ever meet. They are also likely to be the type of person you can explain health issues to. A green is likely to listen to you, ask the right questions and empathise. You’ll often find them doing meaningful work.
Although they may not push themselves forward and seek the limelight, people are important to them.
Friends and family mean a lot, and trust and respect are likely to be valued. Emotions are felt and understood. I often find authenticity is a helpful piece of the puzzle as well. Unfortunately, this often manifests in things the other colours may look down on.
They may appear hesitant and indecisive, often because they carefully consider things. They could also be considered a soft touch. I know there’s more to that though. If I was trying to encourage a green to buy a smartphone, I know what I would focus on.
Connections. I’d highlight how they could connect with their friends and family, to make sure everyone was ok and safe. They are more likely to genuinely care about other people.
All of this should make a conversation about health a lot easier. You’re likely to find a sympathetic ear. They will probably be connecting the dots and finding comparisons as you speak. You’ll probably hear things like, ‘my brother in-law has something like that’ or ‘I’ve heard how that can be a problem’. As I’ve said, they are likely to ask the right questions and empathise.
There are some things you need to be careful of though. As you’d expect, greens can be overshadowed by the other colours. This means that if you convince them to help you, someone else might step in to prevent them. Greens may not be the actual decision makers.
This means that although you may not experience resistance, you may need to keep encouraging them to support you.
They may also be reluctant to challenge someone doing something wrong. They are likely to be good communicators though, and driven to do what’s right. That’s why I would prefer to talk to a green about my health.
I hope this helps and it makes it easier for you to talk about your health. This is so important, as we need people to understand. I’ve found that the approach I’ve shared often empowers people. It makes things a little more even.
Whatever colour you appear to be, I’d like to encourage you to think about what you can learn from the others.
I really want to thank you for taking the time to read this, as this is so important to me. In a world that seems to be focussed on equality, intolerance towards health issues often seems to get overlooked.
I obviously can’t end this without touching on something important. Yes, there are people who either exaggerate or make frivolous or false statements about their health and there are two sides to this. If someone is telling you important details about their health, remember the legal principle of innocent until proven guilty.
On the other side, If you’re saying things that are proven to be incorrect it can have a knock-on effect. That person could be less likely to believe someone who really needs their help. Remember my example. In extreme cases, choosing to not believe someone could effectively mean you end up torturing them.
Let’s think about each other and all do what’s right.