How to take the stress out of complaining
It can be a huge challenge when we have to complain about something. Most organisations don’t make it easy now. We often have to explain the same things to different people and promises don’t get kept. This leads to us feeling ignored, disrespected and helpless. If this sounds familiar, I can help you.
In this post, I’ll show you how you can transform the way you complain by doing three simple things. They will help you get what you need.
This is so important, as we often have to complain about things that are very serious. Losing access to a product or service we rely on, having money taken out of our account and simply getting the support we need are just a few examples.
That last one could include healthcare and housing. Things that are essential.
This is why we often can’t take no for an answer. We can’t keep repeating ourselves and we need to make sure we’re understood. This is why we need to carefully think about what we’re doing. It starts with planning ahead.
Work out what you want
It really helps to pinpoint exactly what you want and what you’re complaining about. This may seem obvious, but how many times have you seen someone complain who isn’t doing this. Whether it’s in a shop or restaurant, I’m sure you’ve overheard someone who is literally complaining. They are focussing on how dissatisfied and annoyed they are.
This type of exchange is likely to be about expressing how they feel, how angry they are and what they are threatening to do. They often forget to explain what happened and what they expect the other person to do about it.
If they are dealing with someone who lacks the experience to ask the right questions, this can just go on and on. It’s likely to be very stressful for both sides.
If you can pinpoint what you’re complaining about and the outcome you expect, you’ll naturally shift to more focussed and effective communication. People are more likely to listen to you.
It also helps to think about what it would take for you to walk away. You may not get everything you want and you’ll need to compromise. Like any negotiation, it helps to determine your bottom line before you begin. This helps you avoid being influenced into agreeing to something in the heat of the moment. Something you’re likely to regret later on.
When we’ve done this, we can think about how we keep track of everything.
Make notes
As soon as I need to complain about anything, especially when it’s over the phone, I create a notes document. I then keep a record of the people I’ve spoken to, what was said and the times and dates of the contact.
Even if it’s my first call and I expect everything to be resolved afterwards, I still do this. In my experience, words often don’t always align with actions and I have to chase them again.
Keeping a record of everything doesn’t just help you appear more credible. It means you don’t have to use your memory or worse still, allow your memory to incorrectly fill in any gaps.
If your complaint is ongoing, you’ll probably want to switch to correspondence so everything is on record. Noting everything down makes this process a lot easier, as everything is there ready for you to write. Like the first step, I’m sure you’ll find it helps shift you to more focussed and effective communication.
It could also be the case that your complaint goes beyond the organisation you’re dealing with. There can often be an opportunity to take things to arbitration with another body, such as an ombudsman, Trading Standards or Ofcom. If this happens, accurate, objective and detailed notes should really make a difference.
Now we’ve worked out what we want and are ready to take notes, we can think about who we’re complaining to.
Work out who you're dealing with
When they have to complain, a lot of people can find themselves locked in a seemingly endless loop arguing with someone who ‘has to say no’. They don’t realise that whatever they say, it will always reach the same conclusion. Although the person they are dealing with might sympathise with them or even agree, they ‘have to say no’.
When this happens, it’s a safe bet that there’s a system in place. A policy or procedure that’s intended to help, but rarely does when it reaches the real world. It often overrides reason. My advice is to not take no for an answer if you’re in a situation like this. Ask to speak to a manager to move it further up the chain where there’s likely to be more flexibility.
It helps to think about what the system they have in place is likely to look like. Ask yourself how you can manoeuvre around it. Does the organisation you’re dealing with have a complaints procedure? If so, what are they saying they will do? Are there any timescales and as I mentioned before, is there anywhere you could seek arbitration? These are all important questions.
Finally, If things aren’t progressing and you’re confident you can take things further, you can request a deadlock letter. This is essentially a final, written decision from the organisation. It’s likely that someone with authority will have to put their name to it, and it really shows them you’re taking your complaint seriously.
If that person ‘who has to say no’ is reluctant to pass you on to someone else, a request for a deadlock letter might also help in this situation. You could ask them if they are authorised to send a formal deadlock letter, with their name on it. You’ll probably find your complaint is escalated pretty quickly after this.
Next time you need to complain, you can do these three simple things:
Work out what you want
Make notes
Work out who you're dealing with
Remember, Identifying what we expect leads us to more direct and precise communication. We’re more likely to be listened to. Keeping notes keeps us on track and accurate. We can also highlight the times when we’re not treated right, such as being left on hold, disconnected or misinformed.
Finally, knowing who you’re dealing with helps you identify any unhelpful systems that are getting in the way. It should also encourage you not to take the first no as an answer if it isn’t reasonable. All of this helps you overcome the frequent and unnecessary barriers that cause so much stress.
I really hope this helps. Remember to keep coming back to this post when you need it